some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
