apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
