The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...