dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF