her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
