I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
