What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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