My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
