dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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