so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
