I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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