i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
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I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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