i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Randomize
