I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
