I think I am morally bankrupt
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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