Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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