what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize