There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
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and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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