it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize