at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
