I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize