are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize