$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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