between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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