tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize