Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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