Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
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I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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