I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize