Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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