im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize