Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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