Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
