Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
