when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
