I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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