I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
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You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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