Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what day is it and did you see me today?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i believe in u and ur pee
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
