But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights