You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.