Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
