I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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