Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
