I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
