I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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