My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize