I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am one with the molecules
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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