walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize