You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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