drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize