When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
