Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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