Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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