Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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