if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have tasted many bathrooms
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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